Haaaay
New blog.
http://charmingneurotic.blogspot.com
It's time to get a little more personal, bitches.
http://charmingneurotic.blogspot.com
It's time to get a little more personal, bitches.
| Denton, TX |
25 September 2008
7 August 2008
I am 21.
Who still reads this?
Who still reads this?
7 November 2005
i'm out of here
For the person who kindly left a comment: I don't really believe in God, and I left caring about decency a long time ago. Just so you know.
In the time between my last update and now I have: gone to a psychologist, been basically diagnosed as depressed (nothing that hasn't happened before), and decided that life is too short to waste away at this college, so I'm leaving at semester. Oh and I also got an ED-NOS diagnosis. Yay!
No, I'm not leaving just because one or two things went wrong. I am leaving because I feel that I cannot handle school while working through my depression and tackling my deep-seated issues. So it's back home after the semester ends, to see a psychiatrist. Whoo.
If you are skeptical at my reasons for leaving, kindly fuck off. Thank you.
Right now I'm feeling pretty hopeless, but it'll pass soon enough.
<3
In the time between my last update and now I have: gone to a psychologist, been basically diagnosed as depressed (nothing that hasn't happened before), and decided that life is too short to waste away at this college, so I'm leaving at semester. Oh and I also got an ED-NOS diagnosis. Yay!
No, I'm not leaving just because one or two things went wrong. I am leaving because I feel that I cannot handle school while working through my depression and tackling my deep-seated issues. So it's back home after the semester ends, to see a psychiatrist. Whoo.
If you are skeptical at my reasons for leaving, kindly fuck off. Thank you.
Right now I'm feeling pretty hopeless, but it'll pass soon enough.
<3
21 October 2005
What an excellent time to have a panic attack. Seriously. There's no better time to have one when I have a fucking essay due tomorrow and can't get a good starting point on it.
What the hell? I'm supposed to be a good writer. I just want to go to sleep or die or go do some drugs or do anything but write this stupid thing. Ugh. As usual, all my potential is going down the crapper and I have no idea why that always happens.
I shouldn't have gone to that stupid sorority thing tonight. It wasn't fun and I could've been working on this essay. Grr. I hate this place so much, no one even knows.
What the hell? I'm supposed to be a good writer. I just want to go to sleep or die or go do some drugs or do anything but write this stupid thing. Ugh. As usual, all my potential is going down the crapper and I have no idea why that always happens.
I shouldn't have gone to that stupid sorority thing tonight. It wasn't fun and I could've been working on this essay. Grr. I hate this place so much, no one even knows.
2 October 2005
aggghh
I. fucking. hate. college.
Why? Oh, many reasons. I don't fit in here. I haven't really connected with anyone. I miss Gary so much sometimes, and even though he's here right now he's just going to leave tomorrow and I'll be lonely again. I feel fat almost all the time. I've been trying to diet and then I got a cold and it was good-bye diet, hello food (in order to get better). Now I'm off the cold so it's back to the diet again...my current stats are I'm 5'6" and 120.5 lbs...which is DISGUSTING and I have to get down to 110. Anyway. I'll spare you all the nasty details of my weight issues.
I'm so unhappy. Story of my life it seems. I spend so much time concentrating on the next thing that will supposedly "make me happy" and turn things around. And then nothing ever does. And no one understands, although I do love them for trying. But they can't comprehend it. I'm supremely fucked up and I can't handle anything. Gah I really hate this.
Yeah. Time to go to sleep, I guess. There's no one to talk to.
Why? Oh, many reasons. I don't fit in here. I haven't really connected with anyone. I miss Gary so much sometimes, and even though he's here right now he's just going to leave tomorrow and I'll be lonely again. I feel fat almost all the time. I've been trying to diet and then I got a cold and it was good-bye diet, hello food (in order to get better). Now I'm off the cold so it's back to the diet again...my current stats are I'm 5'6" and 120.5 lbs...which is DISGUSTING and I have to get down to 110. Anyway. I'll spare you all the nasty details of my weight issues.
I'm so unhappy. Story of my life it seems. I spend so much time concentrating on the next thing that will supposedly "make me happy" and turn things around. And then nothing ever does. And no one understands, although I do love them for trying. But they can't comprehend it. I'm supremely fucked up and I can't handle anything. Gah I really hate this.
Yeah. Time to go to sleep, I guess. There's no one to talk to.
17 August 2005
i can't believe i said dudes
I doubt I have/had mono, unless I made a miraculous recovery. Today I felt well enough to go to the gym, then out to lunch and Baskin Robbins with Kathy, and finally back to my house to start packing.
I never realized I had so many clothes. Wow. It looks like my closet just puked all over my gameroom.
Tomorrow's the...big day. Then Friday will earn the title of the bigger day, thus becoming the gargantuan day in my mind. GARGANTUAN is such a cool word.
Conversation that occurred at Van's Noodle House (not where we went to eat today. We went to Pei Wei. We just really like eating at and talking about Asian restaurants).
Random choir chick: Omigod hiii Kathy and Sterling!! What's up? Are you guys still together? Have you guys had sex yet and are you planning to have wild bunny sex all over Kathy's house?!? (the last 2 bits added for my own amusement...hey, they were the obvious undertones of the second question).
K&S: Err...hi. Yeah, we're still together. We're actually living in the same house now (long story).
Rcc: Ohh cool, cool. So, when are you guys going back to KHS?
K&S: (long pause) Um. Why would we go back there? We already graduated.....?
Rcc: Well you have to go back and see P.RAD!!!!!! (our ex choir teacher who unabashedly played favorites)
S: I have no intention of doing that. Ever.
Rcc: (looks crushed) Ok...well, um, bye.
HAH. I love seeing people on the outside who I never really liked when I was forced to be around them. I admit I sometimes dodge into the aisles of Walgreens or Kroger whenever I see someone I kind of knew at school. Sometimes I just don't feel like talking to them. Kathy greatly comforted me today when she informed me that she does the same thing, and then relayed the conversation that you see above.
In other news, Gary and I will (separately *tear*) celebrate our five month anniversary on Friday. Holy crap dudes. I've never dated anyone for a whole hand before. All joking aside, I am deliriously happy. And we will be together the week after that. Eee!!
It's times like these, after I have consumed a great amount of sugar, that I actually feel excited about college. I had a free for all food day...after Pei Wei I had a shake at Baskin Robbins and then later on I had lots of peanut butter with some marshmallow cream (bear with me, we have no chocolate in the house). I figure I should have one last hurrah before I brave college food. I probably won't be eating much anyway...I'm one of those people who barely eats when they're stressed, and I always get stressed during the academic year. Always. I should be skin and bones by Thanksgiving.
On that positive note, off I go to do more packing!
peace-*e*
I never realized I had so many clothes. Wow. It looks like my closet just puked all over my gameroom.
Tomorrow's the...big day. Then Friday will earn the title of the bigger day, thus becoming the gargantuan day in my mind. GARGANTUAN is such a cool word.
Conversation that occurred at Van's Noodle House (not where we went to eat today. We went to Pei Wei. We just really like eating at and talking about Asian restaurants).
Random choir chick: Omigod hiii Kathy and Sterling!! What's up? Are you guys still together? Have you guys had sex yet and are you planning to have wild bunny sex all over Kathy's house?!? (the last 2 bits added for my own amusement...hey, they were the obvious undertones of the second question).
K&S: Err...hi. Yeah, we're still together. We're actually living in the same house now (long story).
Rcc: Ohh cool, cool. So, when are you guys going back to KHS?
K&S: (long pause) Um. Why would we go back there? We already graduated.....?
Rcc: Well you have to go back and see P.RAD!!!!!! (our ex choir teacher who unabashedly played favorites)
S: I have no intention of doing that. Ever.
Rcc: (looks crushed) Ok...well, um, bye.
HAH. I love seeing people on the outside who I never really liked when I was forced to be around them. I admit I sometimes dodge into the aisles of Walgreens or Kroger whenever I see someone I kind of knew at school. Sometimes I just don't feel like talking to them. Kathy greatly comforted me today when she informed me that she does the same thing, and then relayed the conversation that you see above.
In other news, Gary and I will (separately *tear*) celebrate our five month anniversary on Friday. Holy crap dudes. I've never dated anyone for a whole hand before. All joking aside, I am deliriously happy. And we will be together the week after that. Eee!!
It's times like these, after I have consumed a great amount of sugar, that I actually feel excited about college. I had a free for all food day...after Pei Wei I had a shake at Baskin Robbins and then later on I had lots of peanut butter with some marshmallow cream (bear with me, we have no chocolate in the house). I figure I should have one last hurrah before I brave college food. I probably won't be eating much anyway...I'm one of those people who barely eats when they're stressed, and I always get stressed during the academic year. Always. I should be skin and bones by Thanksgiving.
On that positive note, off I go to do more packing!
peace-*e*
16 August 2005
the word mono makes me think of menudo
It's almost college time...and I think I may have mono :(. I went to the doctor today to get my blood tested but the results won't come until Wednesday at the earliest. Bleh. I felt better today, in that I only slept for about 5 hours rather than the 10 or so I most likely averaged yesterday. I even managed to temporarily exert enough energy to do my pilates workout (sadly I say this in all seriousness). Everyone mocks Pilates. Not cool.
I may have mentioned this in the previous entry, but I'm leaving Thursday for the great city of San Antonio. I'm too tired to feel anxious, so currently I feel a mild excitement mixed with a bit of disbelief. As in, it's already here. I talked to my roommate on the phone yesterday and I think we'll get along fine, maybe even become lifelong friends (doesn't everyone just love their college roommate?). She really does seem like a cool gal though...laid back and also slightly cowed by the whole college thing. We each know about two people from our high schools who are going to SA so I think that's a good sign...as in, we won't be clinging to high school friends because, well, we won't really have a choice. Comforting, right?
Tomorrow I may or may not make a brave adventure to the gym...we shall see. I'll also try to make a few phone calls to reach my massive network of friends and try to arrange some kind of gathering for Wednesday. Kathy and I hung out on Thursday and Friday...gahh I'm going to miss her. I'll miss our crazily open talks and our lack of pretense and even that weird zealous look she gets when she talks about church. Heh. She doesn't know I'm agnostic and I'm planning on telling her sometime in the next millenium...so um, maybe there's one thing she doesn't know about me. Oh also the fact that...never mind.
Off to go rest...again (is there a theme here?)
peace- *e*
I may have mentioned this in the previous entry, but I'm leaving Thursday for the great city of San Antonio. I'm too tired to feel anxious, so currently I feel a mild excitement mixed with a bit of disbelief. As in, it's already here. I talked to my roommate on the phone yesterday and I think we'll get along fine, maybe even become lifelong friends (doesn't everyone just love their college roommate?). She really does seem like a cool gal though...laid back and also slightly cowed by the whole college thing. We each know about two people from our high schools who are going to SA so I think that's a good sign...as in, we won't be clinging to high school friends because, well, we won't really have a choice. Comforting, right?
Tomorrow I may or may not make a brave adventure to the gym...we shall see. I'll also try to make a few phone calls to reach my massive network of friends and try to arrange some kind of gathering for Wednesday. Kathy and I hung out on Thursday and Friday...gahh I'm going to miss her. I'll miss our crazily open talks and our lack of pretense and even that weird zealous look she gets when she talks about church. Heh. She doesn't know I'm agnostic and I'm planning on telling her sometime in the next millenium...so um, maybe there's one thing she doesn't know about me. Oh also the fact that...never mind.
Off to go rest...again (is there a theme here?)
peace- *e*
11 August 2005
and we're off
I once complained to my boyfriend that online journals are just way too attention-whorish and self-aware, even for me. I still think that, but it's 2 a.m. and I'm in no mood to defend that convinction or examine my reasons for re-starting this possibly pointless exercise. Allllll righty then.
Tonight I feel like that guy from Garden State...my pathetic memory can't even recall his character name, so we'll just call him the Main Guy. You know, the one who's mom dies and he's all fucked up on meds and blah blah. I believe that he's the poster child for emo kids who just want to feel, man. I haven't felt much the past few days...I'm not sure what the reason is for this apathy. My sister says it's college anxiety, my mom swears it's iron deficiency. It could be both, but I think it really has to do with the fact that I had no job this summer and basically no real pastimes aside from reading and visiting Gary in Dallas occasionally. My friends at home were so insanely non-fun. Ehrm, back to the Main Guy. We have so much in common because I just want to be with Gary and feel something other than bored apathy...but I don't get to see him until Aug. 27th. Agh. It seems like a verrry long time when I actually write out the date...
The Donald that lives inside of me just told me to make this paragraph in order to give my entry more focus. Unbelievable. I'm about to start my first year of college and still sporadically keep in touch with Donald.
I'm heading off to a fine institution of higher learning in exactly one week, followed by a week's worth of orientation and then classes start on the 25th. Yikes. Hope that college will not be the stressful burden that I sometimes anticipate. It's got to be better than wasting away around here...wheee.
I may update this again in the future, so if any of you still read this...stay tuned *cue ominous music*.
peace (oh yeah I'm definitely back now)- *e*
Tonight I feel like that guy from Garden State...my pathetic memory can't even recall his character name, so we'll just call him the Main Guy. You know, the one who's mom dies and he's all fucked up on meds and blah blah. I believe that he's the poster child for emo kids who just want to feel, man. I haven't felt much the past few days...I'm not sure what the reason is for this apathy. My sister says it's college anxiety, my mom swears it's iron deficiency. It could be both, but I think it really has to do with the fact that I had no job this summer and basically no real pastimes aside from reading and visiting Gary in Dallas occasionally. My friends at home were so insanely non-fun. Ehrm, back to the Main Guy. We have so much in common because I just want to be with Gary and feel something other than bored apathy...but I don't get to see him until Aug. 27th. Agh. It seems like a verrry long time when I actually write out the date...
The Donald that lives inside of me just told me to make this paragraph in order to give my entry more focus. Unbelievable. I'm about to start my first year of college and still sporadically keep in touch with Donald.
I'm heading off to a fine institution of higher learning in exactly one week, followed by a week's worth of orientation and then classes start on the 25th. Yikes. Hope that college will not be the stressful burden that I sometimes anticipate. It's got to be better than wasting away around here...wheee.
I may update this again in the future, so if any of you still read this...stay tuned *cue ominous music*.
peace (oh yeah I'm definitely back now)- *e*
21 June 2005
i'm mike d. and i'm back from the dead
Every once in awhile I check back on this old site just for shits and giggles. Tonight was such a night and what do I see? 89 visits in June so far and an insane amount of visits in May. Who still reads this? And more importantly, why are you still reading this? I haven't updated since December. Leave some love so I can know my loyal readers.
31 December 2004
hey lovers. this is where i'm at now: http://www.livejournal.com/users/ivegotasong.
For good. I mean it this time.
For good. I mean it this time.
